All at Once

I am amazed when I contemplate all the different emotions you can have at the same time. Isn't it interesting? Lately, I've been feeling a lot of things. Mostly good. But at times confusing. My problem is, I think I have everything figured out. But maybe I don't. And that's okay, right? To not have all of the answers? I hope so. I feel indescribable right now. Too many things are buzzing around in my head.There's so much noise, and I don't know how to quiet it. Now on to a different topic. There's nothing quite like a fun, peaceful summer. This summer was fantastic, and I'm sad it's almost over. I hope you all enjoyed this beautiful season as well. See ya later!

Sit Back

Today is a good day to dream. I like to dream. Even more, I like it when my dreams come into fruition. I realize now that I must'nt be afraid to grow. I must embrace change. And so I will dig deep and start to examine myself a little more earnestly. This process may be taxing, but I am ready. I am ready for more happiness and self-discovery. And peace. And who doesn't want more peace, you know?

Happy August!

Hello friends!

Well, today is the start of August, so do you know what that means?

I'll be 25 in 9 more days! (Yikes)

I'm feeling a little scared, but a little excited, too.

24 was a hard year, but very rewarding. I learned a lot, and accomplished even more. I really want 25 to be a year full of wisdom and growth. You can only hope for the best, right?

Later, gators!

Come. And Be My Baby

The highway is full of big cars
going nowhere fast
And folks is smoking anything that'll burn
Some people wrap their lives around a cocktail glass
And you sit wondering
where you're going to turn.
I got it.
Come. And be my baby.


Some prophets say the world is gonna end tomorrow
But others say we've got a week or two
The paper is full of every kind of blooming horror
And you sit wondering
What you're gonna do.
I got it.
Come. And be my baby.



-Maya Angelou

This is Why I Run

Every morning at around 5:45 it happens.

The ring starts off softly and it is accompanied with a loud vibration. Then the alarm becomes louder, more demanding. I cannot ignore it any longer. My fingers fumble around, looking for my cell. Eventually, I am able to shut off the alarm in my zombie-like stupor. I am fighting myself. Fighting the sleep. Fighting my body. Fighting the excuses and reasonings tempting me, pleading with me, to close my eyes and let the sleep engulf me once more. And yet, my mind yells at me to take action. So I obey.

I jump out of bed, grudgingly. The world is a blur as I stumble around, put in my contacts, and change my clothes. My I-pod glows with approval. My hair is in a ponytail, and now I have a hat and sunglasses. I am protected and obscured, at least, in my own mind. Time to head out.

When I take those first steps, the sun is usually starting to peak out from the clouds. The leaves in the trees are waving and fluttering. The wind is whistling and the birds sing in harmony. The familiar music plays in my ear now. It motivates me. And now I am happy with my choice. I keep up my casual pace, knowing that eventually things will speed up.

And it does. My feet, legs, and thighs sync together, and in one fluid motion, I am running.

I am running.

No fast. Not as graceful as I'd like it to be. But I am still running. I run with purpose and endurance in mind. My body accepts this motion. The music is loud and intense. My thoughts are flowing.

When I run, I dream. And I plan. And I prepare. It is a beautiful, challenging thing.

Sometimes people look at me and smile. Others stick their hands out for a high five. I appreciate the support. And so, I run longer.

Every day I crave it. The need to run builds up inside of me. My mind shouts at me to run. So I obey.

Until now, I haven't shared my love of running with many people. I'm still relatively new to all of this. But, you know what? I think that needs to change. I need to tell people about this. I want to learn more. I need to connect with other people. I want to be with others who run. Because I know I'm not the only one out there. And I'm not as embarrassed anymore. I just know that running feels right.

And so I will keep running, and hopefully improve as time goes on.  And if you happen to see a clumsy girl swaying awkwardly with the breeze, well...

you know who it is.

Is it Spring Yet?

Happy April!

I just wanted to stop by because I haven't been here in a few weeks. I must say, things are pretty okay right now. I'm making some progress on my list. I've even found out that some of the things I wanted to do wasn't what I expected. And that's not bad. I take it as me knowing more and more what makes me happy and what doesn't. And you know, I kinda like that. It's good not to settle for things out of boredom. It's good to sit back and reflect on who you really are. I've been doing that this past week and I feel peaceful. Not to say that I'm without conflict in my life, but I'm feeling strong and optimistic. My maturity is becoming manifest. Who would've thunk it?

Also, I'm losing weight again. Yes!!!!! Ugh, I was so sick of that never-ending plateau. So now I'm trying to be more active and enjoy being healthy. One step at a time.

One step at a time.

I hope my April will be a beautiful month full of wonderful things. And I wish the same for you.

Ta-Ta!

The List

Hello friends! So, last week I started to make lists. Not just any kinds of list. I made life lists. Sounds corny, right? Just let that sink in for a second, life lists. But despite how silly it may seem, I think it's fitting for me. I need more direction and more focus. I've been thinking about the things that make me happy, and the things that challenge me as well. So I wrote. And wrote. And wrote. Now I have three lists full of things that will bring me happiness, enrich my life, challenge me, and teach me new things. I'm so excited!

Also, I've already accomplished one of my goals! I visited a congregation in another state. Just knowing I was able to drive there safely, meet new people, and return home without incident made me proud of myself. And on my way back home, I got to see the sunset. The position of the sun, and the light reflecting off the wet pavement of the busy highway was amazingly beautiful. I found myself smiling, happy to experience such a lovely sight.

I hope you're having a great evening. I'm off to plan, prepare, and dream. My "Things I'd Like to do before I'm 25" list is below. Ta ta!

Very brief

I have something that I plan on sharing with you soon. I'm really excited about it! I apologize for my short posts. Hopefully, they will become better as time goes on. I think I fear long, rambling posts and boring people to tears. But I promise it won't always be like this. Things are going to be more interesting around these parts. Just you wait and see.

So, I am off to sleep. Goodnight! *Waves*

Turning dreams into a reality

Remember that snow storm, I wrote about yesterday?

Yeah, it totally happened.

So because of the huge amount of snow, I got to stay home from work and pursue other interests. (Surfing the internet, napping, and eating too much chocolate granola.) I also looked at some apartments and job openings. I have hope, but I know I will need lots of perseverance in these upcoming months. Somehow, I must dig deep within myself to make these things happen. It's scary. Sobbering as well.

Now on to a different subject. Forgiveness is powerful. And I'm learning more and more that you must forgive continuously. It's so weird. One minute I think I can bear someone's prescence. And then I am reminded of what initially made me angry. What an ugly process. I am really needing to move on from certain people. Enough is enough, already. I had a great epiphany as I was leaving the gym. It could have been post-workout endorphins. Maybe it was the promise of a snow day and time for slacking off. Whatever it was, a great thing crossed my mind. You are too fabulous to chase after those not worthy of your time. (Not to say I'm some sort of glamorous woman. However, I'm really proud of my quirkiness.) But it makes a lot of sense.

I want to set my sights on bigger things. I want real love. I am deserving of it. I want freedom, and I want stability. I even want to work hard. It's possible to have this in life. Somehow, I know it's possible.

Free Yourself

Happy March, everyone!

Oh, how I'm ready for spring! (As I write this, a snow storm is on its way.)

So it's been decided that I'm done chasing after people. I am determined to stay busy and do meaningful work.  I've also come up with some goals. Since I'll be 25 soon, I really want to live on my own. I have lots of good reasons why, but the main one is that I feel I will do better on my own. So it's time to simplify, save, and rationalize. Let's hope this month will be full of productivity and contentment. See ya later!

Be Kind

Sometimes you just have to accept yourself, flaws and all. Because you are unique and beautiful, and life is what you make it.

I will stop comparing myself to others.
Because it is only hindering my progress.

Time to move onward and upward.

"Shing! Sparkle, Sparkle."

Life is a never-ending learning process. You really can learn from your mistakes, if you allow yourself to do so. And that's what I'm working on now. I want to be more productive. And I want to put in hard work. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to plan more and become organized. I know I will be successful if I keep this mentality.

On a completely different note, I found myself thinking about glitter. Isn't it wonderful? Really, who doesn't love glitter? The brilliant sparkle instantly puts me in a good mood. Life needs more glitter. People need more luster in their lives, so to speak. Will you live your life with sparkle? Or will it become dull and colorless?

D-day

I slide on my dress, look for my necklace, and ponder what will happen tonight. Will it be a success? Will this be the start of something new? I am filled with nervous anxiety. My heart is beating faster that it should. So much to think about and stress over. But somehow, I know, everything will be fine in the end.

My hair is curled. I need to find the right makeup. The right "look" is key. It's important to convey who I have become. Time is ticking. Soon I will be out the door.

Heading towards my destination. Ready to take on the world.

Improvement

It just occurred to me what I shouldn't do when I am involved in a toxic friendship. I shouldn't chase that person, intent on gaining happiness from them. Instead I'm going to focus on being happy with myself and leading a life that is fulfilling and worthwhile. It's time for me to accomplish my goals and to strive for better. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be positive. Do you ever get excited just thinking about your potential? A blank slate is a beautiful, hopeful thing. I've decided that I'm going to touch lives and make a difference. I've got the potential. I can do it.